Celeb Come Dine With Me was back on Sunday night and, as usual, it didn’t disappoint. If you haven’t seen it yet, click here to watch it on 4od. Our merry band of celebs saw Jan Leeming, Javine, Donal MacIntyre and Dave Spinx (aka Keith from Eastenders) battle it out for their charities of choice.

It has to be a great episode when Jan Leeming spending four nights trying to cop off with Keith from Eastenders isn’t the highlight. After saying: ”Jan looked great last night, for a woman of her age.. We did flirt a bit, but that is as far as it’s going to go”, oul Dave/Keith did what any self respecting ‘lifelong bachelor’ whose not trying to get himself a date would do – went to the hairdressers. The poor actor looked like a vegan who’d woke up in a bed of pork chops. It’s safe to say he hadn’t been in some time. Will Keith/Dave become Leeming’s seventh (or is that sixth?) husband? Who knows.

My favourite bit of the show, however, has to be Javine. I know Jade Goody is no longer with us, but Javine seems to be trying to outdo her in the stupidity stakes. There were many examples in the show, but my favourite four are:

1. When she saw the names of her fellow celebs who’d appear on the show, she thought ex-newsreader Jan Leeming was Japanese and that she was in fact Jan Lee Ming

2. Javine decided on her night that she’d drank too much champagne the night before so she was going to take it easy. Pan the camera around and there she is, classy to the end, filling a champagne glass with a tin of Strongbow

3. When reading Jan’s menu and asked did she know what Steak Au Poivre is, she ventured a guess that it might be a steak of fish (rule number one of Come Dine – when faced with a dish you don’t know on one of the menus, always say “oh, I haven’t had that before but I’d love to try it”, like you know what it is)

4. She tried to tell the rest of the celebrities that Jackie Chan can’t speak English. Oul Keith/Dave did his best to try and point to Rush Hour (1, 2 and 3), Kung Fu Panda and other films to dull down her claims. But our hapless Javine came back fighting – apparently he can’t speak English, he just learns the scripts off word by word.

I can’t even be bothered to end with something funny. Sunday night’s show was just too much.