IN the great Derry-Londonderry debate, BBC Ulster chooses Londonderry. In the great Northern Ireland/Ulster/the Province-the North debate, BBC Northern Ireland’s position is self-evident. In the great the Ardoyne-Ardoyne debate, BBC This Here Pravince favours the definite article. And, of course, the teddy bear’s head continues to float, eerily disconnected, behind the presenters’ heads, a loyal bulwark of the Great British mainland.

They also insist on Aitch and not Haitch, of course, which means that they favour state schools over maintained schools, which, given the aforementioned choices, is hardly surprising. And just to copperfasten that, they even go for the Aitch option when it’s not spoken. An online report about the ongoing UVF supergrass trial in Belfast refers to “an HET detective”, which ensures that not only does the audience have to listen to broadcasters using the state school Aitch, they have to think it as well online.

Squinter’s not going to lie – this is annoying. If Squinter doesn’t say Aitch in his everyday dealings, he’s damned if he’s going to think it, even though he has. No, wait, he didn’t think it, he thought it and then he went back and rethought it… no, that’s wrong too. He nearly thought it and then unthought it, before he… no, let’s try that again. He kind of thought it and…

Oh, what’s the use? One-nil to that damnably cunning Methody clique at Ormeau Avenue. Squinter just wants to ask them how they would feel if they were forced to think Haitch instead of Aitch? But wait, if they’re reading this they just have. Back of the net! One-one.