POOR Andy Burnham must be pulling out his hair trying to understand the barbarous Irish – and no doubt he brands both Planter and Gael as Paddies — after his first funding offer to the Executive was stamped 'return to sender' and dispatched back across the Irish Sea.
But his confusion must be nothing compared to the bewilderment of unionists who find themselves wedded to a government which places a value of exactly zero on their devotion to His Majesty.
Talk, of course is cheap, and Burnham did loads of that on his feel-good tour of the 'province'. But pay for the union? Well, that's another matter altogether.
And it's not just nationalists who are saying that Burnham is coming up short when it comes to putting his money where his mouth is.
Unionists of all stripes are denouncing his £350m billet doux, delivered by our Celtic cousin Mr Bryant, who must already be wondering what reward awaits for accepting this poisoned chalice.
But it does beg the question which surely even unionists must be asking themselves: If Andy is so fond of the union that he rules out a unity referendum with his first breath in Ireland, then why does his government shortchange the citizens of the six counties?
And the shortfall in funding compared to Scotland and Wales is substantial. As Professor Mike Tomlinson explained in this newspaper back in August, the current formula puts the North of Ireland on a par with the Celtic countries — but their need is significantly less.
As Prof Tomlinson has it: "Most recently that argument took the form of the Treasury’s ‘open book’ review of the Executive’s budget, made public at the beginning of June. The review admits that “all devolved governments receive at least 20 per cent more per person” than England which is above the level of relative need for each jurisdiction: Scotland's level of need is assessed at 105 per cent, Wales' at 115 per cent and NI's at 124 per cent."
So there you have it in their own writing: Need in the North is 20 per cent higher than Scotland but funding is pegged to Scotland's level. In face of their own statistics, the Brits have backtracked a little, coming up with another £350 million, but there is a sense that Mr Positivity in Number 10 can and will do better.
Indeed, when set against the dizzying fact that HM Govt can find up to £39 billion (yes, billion) to renovate the Houses of Parliament, it's hard to believe they can't find another few hundred million to live up to their obligations re the North.
And so, we must persevere with our penny-pinching partners in London until they provide the funds to ensure we can keep the wolf from the door.
Persevere, that is, until we can finally free ourselves of this British burden — and doing so is, regardless of what Mr Burnham may say, very much on the table.
