Squinter

SQUINTER: Sammy in a jam of his own making

BORIS Johnson earned his journalistic spurs writing fantastical stories about the EU, much to the delight of the spluttering Majors and permanently indignant schoolmarms among the paper’s venerable readership.

SQUINTER: Single to the Glen Road, please – and a mop

A WEEKEND trip to the city centre with the first grandchild as the mercury crept up towards the 30 mark. As ever with a trip into Belfast, Squinter elects to take the bus, mostly because four hours parking in CastleCourt would pay for Christmas, but also because – and without being too Greta about it – Squinter’s more and more inclined to use public transport as the pursuit of carbon-neutral grows every more urgent.

SQUINTER: Crossmaglen Rambo takes final bow

SO, farewell, then, Simon Byrne, the Crossmaglen Rambo. After a week of circling the Land Rovers he’s emerged from behind the shields and the guns and the water cannon to wave the white flag, his epaulettes ripped off by Jeffrey Donaldson and his sword broken over the knee of Jim Allister in the courtyard of Tayto Castle.

SQUINTER: Parading double standards once again

INTERVIEW with organiser of Brian Robinson memorial parade, to be held on the Shankill on Saturday afternoon.

SQUINTER: Féile Mastermind proves a runaway success

Could we have our first contestant, please?Name: Blue Bin Boy.Specialist subject: Terrorfests.Your two minutes begin now: What is the largest Terrorfest on the island of Ireland? The West Belfast Terrorfest?No, the Twelfth Terrorfest. How many IRA songs were sung at the West Belfast Terrorfest this year? Three thousand?No, three. How many anti-Catholic pro-UVF/UDA songs are sung in the marching season? Three?No, three thousand. How many IRA banners were flown at the West Belfast Terrorfest this year? Five?

SQUINTER: Ever consider what to do when a story just dies?

THE News Letter and the Biggest Woe in the Country are on Féile’s case. Again. Both reported rather excitedly last week that the Charity Commissioner is considering reporting itself to its appeals body, for which a brief explanation is probably required.

SQUINTER: Priorities, priorities as the world and bonfires burn

NOT much point in a House of Commons Early Day Motion, if the truth be told. They’re motions that are put forward without an allocated time and so very few EDMs are actually debated.

SQUINTER: Beating the Drumcree drum again, as Twitter rocket becomes a damp squib

ELON Musk is trying to build a rocket that can bring people to Mars, but he won’t put his hand in his pocket to pay his Twitter bills.

SQUINTER: Joint statement of joint moral authority

A DISSIE active service unit carried out a daring strike on crown forces in Derry at the weekend, capturing a heavily defended bus stop and taking one poster hostage. All volunteers returned safely to base.

SQUINTER: Knocking out those Partygate bangers

HOT on the heels of the video emerging of a Christmas party at Conserv-ative Central Head-quarters while a ban on mixing indoors was in place for the hoi-polloi, turns out that a festive invite was sent to attendees.

SQUINTER: South Armagh commemoration: Did something happen?

AS unionist fury© subsides after a week of moralising about John Finucane speaking at a South Armagh commemoration, it occurs to Squinter that it’s six weeks since the Easter Sunday parade in Belfast brought half the city to a standstill.

SQUINTER: This train for Dublin stops at New York, Paris and Tokyo

THE quickening pace of the debate on Irish unity has combined with the high temperatures this week to spread a certain sense of discombobulation, Squinter feels.

SQUINTER: After all is said and done it's Danny's Election Day

DANNY Kennedy had a great election, though he didn’t stand. As part of a panel during the BBC’s coverage on Saturday, the former UUP MLA bemoaned the fact that Sinn Féin had run six candidates in the Slieve Gullion District Electoral Area because they may have taken the UUP’s only seat on Newry, Mourne and Down District Council.

SQUINTER: By their Brexit fruit-picking skills shall ye know them

SPEAKING at a weekend conference in London hosted by a hard-right US political think-tank, British Home Secretary Suella Braverman (above) said that the UK needs to train up lots more fruit-pickers to ensure that post-Brexit food doesn’t continue to rot in the field and on the branch.

SQUINTER: Your super soaraway coronation special

CARLA'S CORONATION JOY

Soccer: Three second half goals see Ireland defeat Gibraltar

Mixed reaction as Brendan Rodgers confirmed as new Celtic manager

Athletics: Belfast Irish Milers Meet announces 2024 date

Gaelic Games: Antrim advance into Tailteann Cup semi-finals

ANDRÉE MURPHY: Legacy plans lay dynamite under victims' hopes

GERRY ADAMS: At St Comgall's, Eileen's shining vision becomes a reality

DÚLRA: A new way to learn about the birds and the bees

JUDE COLLINS: Efforts to create a single conflict narrative won't succeed

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