Squinter

Squinter has been a regular feature of the Andersonstown News since the early 1970s. The diary column has been written by a number of people over the years and the present incumbent has been taking a sideways look at the week just gone – or indeed the one to come – for over 20 years now. The column has a wide remit, wandering from humorous items of local interest to local and national politics. See Squinter on Twitter for daily doses of the funny, the strange and the totally bonkers.

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SQUINTER: Loyal Ulster learns a valuable lesson

Statement from Loyal Ulster after last week’s High Court judgment on their Drumcree parade... WE recognise that the victory handed to us by the Lord Almighty at nearly the highest court in the land will have caused some concern among the residents of the Garvaghy Road.

SQUINTER: When did the DUP wash its hands of Ulster Resistance?

SQUINTER got asked on the radio last week to talk about Ulster Resistance and the DUP. He had assumed – perhaps naively – that the basis of the conversation would be firmly in place before he put the headphones on. That uncontested basis being that Ulster Resistance was founded in November 1986 by the DUP at a star-studded event at the Ulster Hall, during which senior members of the party donned red berets and paraded alongside notorious paramilitaries and gunrunners carrying swagger sticks in a none-too-subtle attempt to frighten the Brits away from the Anglo-Irish Agreement.

SQUINTER: A lunchtime ration of memories from the war

SQUINTER’S queuing for a sandwich in a café at lunchtime on Monday when he notices something he hasn’t seen in a while.

SQUINTER: Zero tolerance for that 0-0 beer conundrum

SQUINTER’S acutely aware that there’s nothing quite so boring as an evangelised teetotaller wanging on about the booze. Which is why in just short of three years as a non-swally merchant this is the third time that he has broached the subject of his 50-year overdue Pioneer status.

SQUINTER: It can’t always be Double-Dutch, can it?

DUTCH is a tough language to master. Not as tough as Portuguese, which Squinter’s been trying to get his head round without a great deal of success for some years now as a mark of respect to his Portuguese son-in-law and his Portuguese-Irish granddaughter.

SQUINTER: The curious case of the Three Unionist Monkeys

JEFFREY Donaldson and Squinter are the same age, give or take. Our careers have developed side by side, although of course Squinter never hit the giddy heights in public life that the Kilkeel native hit.

SQUINTER: The sweet smell of excess is all around us

SQUINTER’S still on the wagon, you may or may not be surprised to hear, which means that when the weather turns nice and it’s everybody out into the garden, it’s still a zero-alcohol beer instead of full-fat.

SQUINTER: Israel’s hasbara now comes with a haitch

IRELAND’S the most antisemitic country in the world, isn’t it?

SQUINTER: DUP plays a different kind of blame game

THE new chicken-and-egg conundrum for the Scarva generation: What came first, the balaclavas or the riot police?

SQUINTER: Shrine a light on Long Kesh

TUV North Antrim MLA Timothy Gaston has been giving off again about the ‘IRA shrine’ at Long Kesh. He’s unhappy that around 40 grand a year is being spent to maintain the site, even though 40 grand a year wouldn’t cut the grass at Stormont.

SQUINTER: The ballad of the wee Jam Tarts

In tiny little Edinburgh, far from the city’s clamour,

SQUINTER: Is this your souped-up people-botherer, sir?

SQUINTER’S got a lot of sympathy for the PSNI in relation to the Stewartstown Road drag race debacle on Monday evening.

SQUINTER: Failing the Open University challenge

THERE’S hardly a field of endeavour left in this loyal little corner of Paradise to which Jamie Bryson LLB has not turned his multifarious talents.

SQUINTER: Short back and brain infection, please

SQUINTER’S first unaccompanied haircut was at what is now Bradley’s barber’s beside the Gravediggers on the Glen Road. It was around 1971 and if memory serves it was known as Peewee’s at the time, although Squinter can’t remember if that was the name on the shop front or a nickname.

SQUINTER: Loyal Ulster parades its Easter hypocrisy

LOYAL Ulster is united in its disgust at the Irps and the dissies dressing up for Easter. Again. As the Keepers of the 1916 Flame stomped up and down the place in their eBay camouflage gear and Poundland sunglasses, the DUP, the UUP, the Belfast Telegraph and the News Letter made it clear that this was such an egregious declaration of violent intent that a latter-day Tet Offensive couldn be far off.

Soccer: Cliftonville progress to quarter-finals after thrashing Knockbreda

CELTIC STORIES: Transfer deadline looms as Celtic lick their wounds

Antrim Intermediate Hurling Round-Up: St Gall's and St Paul's clinch major wins and Cushendun look to pave the way

Antrim Senior Championship Round-Up: The Johnnies earn a huge win whilst Loughgiel and Cushendall avoid major scares

EYE ON THE PAST: August 1985 – Church to sell land for 100 homes on Shaws Road

PLATING UP: Stuffed calamari tubes with curried orzo rice

HEALTHWISE: Take steps to reduce the cancer risk in your food

ANDRÉE MURPHY: Mike Nesbitt was never rewarded for his decency

Squinter

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