TODAY, we exclusively reveal the two vital documents that saw a court this week clear definitely-not-in-the-UVF man Winkie Irvine of being in the UVF. The first is a Sunday newspaper lifestyle piece from 2021 in which Mr Irvine gives details of a typical day in the life of Loyal Ulster's most famous non-UVF peacebuilder. It provides a vivid insight into the mind of the Ballysillan Gandhi and blows out of the water the claim that Mr Irvine is a member of the feared loyalist paramilitary group.
The second document is an anonymised character reference presented to the court, which inside sources tell us was a powerful factor in the decision to charge Mr Irvine not under anti-terror legislation, but under brand-new anti-long sentence legislation.
A day in the life of non-UVF man Winkie Irvine
I rise early. My UVF alarm clock goes off at 5.30am but I’ve put it at the other side of the room, which forces me to get out of bed in my Lenny Murphy T-shirt and Gusty Spence shorts to turn it off.
I put on the radio, which is always tuned to UVF105. I like the station’s mixture of band music, lively paramilitary chat and anonymous threats. I shave in my Brian Robinson commemorative mirror, brush my teeth (red, white and blue striped toothpaste, natch) and quickly shower. I like L'Oréal for UVF Men because it gives a bit of body to my hair, which is thin on top because of a combination of male pattern baldness and balaclava-rub.
Breakfast is normally an Ulster Volunteer Force fry with tea – lots of tea. I have a huge Shankill Butchers mug with pictures of all the lads on it in happier, less bloodsoaked days. I can’t be doing with that woke muesli and fresh fruit crap – the UVF was never afraid of the Provies and we’re not afraid of diabetes either. I have a lot of UVF stuff about the house – uniforms, flags, badges, hats, fridge magnets. My favourite is a hoodie with ‘My name is Winkie Irvine and I’m in the UVF’ on it. God help me if any of this ever comes out in court.
I’m out and about most mornings doing things – pretty boring things, if I’m honest: Shopping, visiting friends and relatives, walking in the park, picking up and delivering UVF guns and ammo. I make a point of spending a few hours in the UVF office in the afternoon doing a bit of peace work, which I’m pretty well known for. The key to ensuring that we don’t fall back into conflict is convincing kids that violence is not the way forward, keeping them away from the interfaces and making sure the guns are kept well greased and maintained.
In the evening I’m almost always at some UVF event or another, mostly as part of the peace work that I’m famous for, but sometimes as part of my hanging out with UVF men in UVF gaffs work. I like UVF shebeens the best. The drink’s cheap and the music is fantastic. If I’ve had a few I might sing along to Number One Platoon or get up and have a boogie to Build My Gallows High.
Late nights at the UVF Arms are a thing of the past. It’s an age thing. Well, that and the fact that everybody’s ankle tag goes off at midnight. At home I’ll have a nightcap – a hot Buckie, perhaps – while I catch up with the day’s news on the Shankill UVF group WhatsApp. In bed I’ll read a few pages of whatever book I have beside me. I’m currently enjoying ‘Everything You Need to Know About the UVF’ and I’ve just finished ‘Everything You Don’t Need to Know About the UVF’.
I’m one of life’s worriers. I fall asleep worrying about whether I’ve left the right wheelie bin out and what’ll happen if the cops ever find me with UVF gear in my car. It doesn’t bear thinking about, quite honestly.
Character reference in the matter of Irvine, Winston.
Dear Your Honour,
I am writing in relation to Winston ‘Winkie’ Irvine, who is not in the UVF.
I have known Winkie since he didn’t join the youth wing of the UVF in the 90s. Even at school he had a passion for peace-building, but of course not for loyalist paramilitaries. I vividly remember me saying to him when we were boys: “You are destined for great things, Winston. You are going to bring peace to this city but you will never join the UVF.” And I’m pleased to say that is just how things worked out.
Later in life I worked with Winkie in my professional capacity as a politician and had many productive meetings with Winkie in relation to bringing an end to violence, which he never had anything to do with. I know from personal experience that Winkie was instrumental in persuading the hard men of the UVF not to bomb Dublin in response to the removal of Fred West flags from a loyalist estate. This was particularly impressive because he didn’t know them. At all.
MURAL TRIBUTE: UVF man Brian Robinson, in whose name an annual Shankill parade is held
On a personal level, I have never been given a single reason to suspect that Winkie had anything to do with the UVF. I remember distinctly discussing this very subject with him at last year’s Brian Robinson commemoration parade on the Shankill. When I visited his home later it did indeed, as someone said, “look like an Amazon warehouse for UVF tat”. But being an enthusiastic collector of Troubles memorabilia does not make one a UVF sympathiser any more than having an IRA tattoo means you’re an IRA sympathiser.
I know Winston Irvine to be a man of decency and honour. He’s a man of peace who has been gravely maligned and misrepresented, a man who, far from being a senior and active member of a feared terrorist organisation, prefers to relax at home with his three cats, Lenny, Gusty and Bunter.
He has pleaded guilty to this charge, in my opinion, because he has been manipulated by sinister elements – older, more cynical, baldier men. I beg you to show mercy so that he can be released at the earliest possible point to get back to his vital work of building the peace and organising shows of strength.
Yours sincerely,
Winkie’s pal.
