THE Armed Forces Covenant, which our city has just signed up to via the casting vote of Alliance Lord Mayor Micky Murray, is a short enough document, as you can see for yourself lower down. But for the TL/DR generation, it holds that members of the British armed forces should be accorded “special consideration” as and when the occasion demands.
The terseness of the Covenant – and that one phrase in particular – can’t cover up the extraordinary lengths to which the city of Belfast is now committed to going in order to ensure that living and dead members of the British army and their families are given more than the rest of us; given more, indeed, than our firefighters, police, nurses and paramedics.
The Covenant you can see here comes straight from the Household Cavalry horse’s mouth: the British government website, gov.uk – a source that helpfully outlines what we as a city have now signed up to with regard to, let’s say, the UDR, the most famous of the regiments to have bravely served queen and country here.
So I invite Alliance leader Naomi Long to come with me as we take a look at how, thanks to Alliance, members of the UDR (who were banned from West Belfast because of their terrifying record of sectarian murder and thuggery) will be treated better than the frontline heroes of our emergency services and our health service. Here – taken direct from Gov.uk – are concrete examples of what “special consideration” will mean in the city of Belfast for the UDR and their families, aka “those sacrificing the most”.
1. Those sacrificing the most pay less for goods or services, or nothing, or receive higher payments.
I’m going to your help here, Naomi, because I just don’t know exactly what Belfast City Council intends to do in relation to this one. Will the UDR get a cut in their rates, or will they no longer be required to pay any rates at all? Will a UDR benevolent group get a a bigger grant than a PSNI benevolent group? Will the UDR get a discount in the City Hall coffee shop? Or will their tea and scones be completely free?
2. Those sacrificing the most are eligible for goods or services that aren’t available to others.
What exactly does this mean for somebody who spent five years at roadblocks asking Catholic drivers, ‘Derry? Where’s that?” What goods or services will City Hall provide for the UDR that they can’t provide for ratepayers like me? Heated park benches? Motorised wheelie bins? Tell me, Naomi – I need to know.
3. Those sacrificing the most, in practice, find it easier to access goods or services.
I can only imagine that if you have business at Belfast City Hall and you’re ex-UDR then they’re going to use our rates to send a taxi for you – or maybe even the Lord Mayor’s limo; which seems fair enough, Naomi, since it was your guy’s casting vote that signed us up for this comprehensive package.
4. Those sacrificing the most receive higher quality goods or services.
Nope, haven’t a baldy, Naomi – you’re really going to have to get creative on this one. HP sauce instead of Daddies on their Christmas Market burgers? Birth, wedding and death certificates on fancy card instead of paper?
5. Those sacrificing the most wait less time to receive goods or services.
Let’s be honest here, Naomi. I honour the service of Sammy and Stewarty in the hedgerows of Loyal Ulster as much as the next man. But if they start getting their black bins emptied every week instead of every two weeks, I’m not going to be happy. If they get cremated at Roselawn quicker than me, I’m going to be spinning in my urn. And if they get a City Cemetery plot with a nicer view than me I’ll come back and haunt the Alliance Party’s HQ.
Seo an rud – here’s the thing: I don’t expect supporters of the British armed forces to do anything than look out for the interests of British armed forces. I’m resolutely unsuprised when UDR benevolent groups display benevolence to the aforementioned Sammy and Stewarty. And my gob remains stubbornly unsmacked when the Police Federation has the backs of the RUC and the PSNI. I’m less sanguine at the idea of unionist politicians telling us that a person deserves more help and support for having taken part in foot patrols in Afghanistan than their neighbour does for putting out fires or saving lives, but I fully understand that in Loyal Ulster the only thing that’s better than a person waving a union jack is a person waving a union jack in uniform.
But Alliance doing the same? Alliance telling the ratepayers of Belfast that their money will be used to give preferential treatment to British soldiers and former British soldiers? That’s a Household Cavalry horse of a different colour.
It's as clear as day why Alliance have decided that affirmative action is needed in the city of Belfast for people who know how to use weapons but not for people who know how to use medical equipment. The party takes a terrible battering day in and day out from unionists who accuse them of being Sinn Féin with ponies; they think that the occasional bit of parade ground posturing will go some way to alleviate that pressure.
It’s why they also vote to throw large amounts of money at British armed forces events at which schoolchildren are taught how to use heavy weaponry for bants and giggles.
Ten-hut! – here comes a spoiler: There is nothing that the Alliance Party can do to placate those who see them as Lundys and IRA reservists. Not a thing. Justice Minister Naomi could make it legal for a UDR flag to be flown 24/7 over Andytown Leisure Centre and she’d still be a subversive to the usual suspects. Moderate unionists treat the idea of Alliance as rabid republicans with the derision it deserves, while the DUP and TUV will go on attempting to scare the king’s horses with lurid tales of traitors in their midst not because there’s a grain of truth in it, but simply because othering and demonising is learned in their basic training.
