Editorial meeting, BBCNI, Monday, 5.45am.
– Okay, troops, it’s the one story everybody’s talking about, so let’s do it justice.
– Eamon Holmes on a cruise with his new squeeze?
– Whaddya think this is, Belfast Live? Casement. Let’s have some ideas about Casement.
– What about the CEO of the Global Association of Controversial New Massive Multi-Use Sports Arena Manufacturers?
– Borrrrrrrrring.
– The boss of the International Cross-Community Structural Engineering Confederation?
– What would he know?
– She.
– Whatever. Outside the box, people. What do I keep saying? Let’s think outside the box.
– The former Financial Officer of Deloitte’s GAA/Soccer Sporting Infrastructure Construction Estimates division lives in Hillsborough.
– Let him lie on. Frig sake, do I have to think of everything in here? Get Mervyn Gibson on the phone.
– The World Bank Mervyn Gibson?
– Jeez, I’m surrounded by eejits.
– The Morgan Stanley Mervyn Gibson.
– Give me strength! The Orange Order Mervyn Gibson – who else?
Silence. A bee buzzes against a window pane. Coughing.
– Well? What are you all sitting there for?
– Can I ask a question?
– Make it quick.
– What is a senior Orangemen going to tell us about Casement?
– Are you trying to be funny?
– No. Just curious.
– That guy knows everything about everything. We had him on last week talking about Taylor Swift’s Eras tour and he was fantastic.
– Seriously?
– Absolutely. Well... he actually thought we wanted to talk to him about Brother Taylor Swift from Rising Sons of Tyresmoke LOL, but he wasn’t long getting into the swing of things, let me tell you.
– What are we going to ask him?
– Do I have to do everything around here?
– No, but I genuinely don’t know what he would have to add to the debate.
– Well, for starters we could find out if he opposes the fatal doctrines and errors of the hand pass.
A chair scrapes. A distant bell tolls.
– Or we could ask him if Mayo can ever beat the curse.
– Yeah, but what about the cost and the political fall-out?
– Who’s better qualified to talk about the dynamic economics of high-value infrastructure than an ex-peeler in a bowler hat? And who knows more about what the Casement project means for the wider community than an evangelical Orangeman with white gloves and a sword?
