IF you knew that nobody else was listening, would you say things you wouldn’t say into a live microphone? As the beer advertisement says, Probably. There’s an exhilaration in taking off the safety catch and letting go with both barrels.

Certainly some members of the DUP appear to have been trigger-happy on Whatsapp. Trusting that the message system would cover their words with its magic cloak, they had such fun mocking those they didn’t like.

People like Archbishop Eamon Martin. When the archbishop suggested the closing of schools during Covid, the DUP’s Peter Weir commented: “Wasn't aware of his qualifications in virology!" Mind you, Peter doesn’t have a qualification in virology either, nor has any of the DUP heavyweights; but hey, you gotta get your kicks in when the opportunity arises.

Another kicker, anonymous this time, suggests: "Write back and tell him we don't live in the South and that his institution hasn't the best track record of looking out for the welfare of kids." There’s an irony lurking in there somewhere.

Peter Weir may not look like a barrel of laughs, but it seems he’s full of it. When an unidentified message-sender remarks that solicitor Kevin Winters has launched a judicial review into the non-closure of schools, one of the anonymous lot says “Read SF for KW” which Peter endorses with a ringing “Indeed!”.

Another unidentified DUP source says of Sinn Féin’s Declan Kearney: "Alastair and I were wondering about his mask issue. Surely a boy like him has access to one or two." 

Peter Weir, an educated man himself, appears to have a low opinion of teachers: "Some will gurn and some will refuse to play ball but they are on a weak position. I think some don't realise how out of line they are with public opinion." Another irony alert?

On July 21, 2020, Peter Weir is again full of quips and quiddities: "Wouldn't say Michelle O'Neill is error prone at the moment, but Sinn Féin thinking of replacing her with David De Gea." Eat your heart out, Oscar Wilde.

The SDLP’s Nichola Mallon gets a severe pounding from Weir: "Talking of Halloween, does Nichola not look particularly ghoulish today?". His scorching wit is then turned on Naomi Long: "In breaking news Naomi has died on the 114th day of hunger strike."  Weir advises: "Use small words so Mallon can understand". The following day, he says: "Is Nichola thick or what?”

You get the drift. There’s an amused contempt for the leader of the Alliance Party, an SDLP minister, the Catholic Archbishop of Armagh and a senior Sinn Féin spokesman. 

Does this mockery come from an inbuilt contempt?  Possibly. Or maybe insecurity? Remember that Julie Andrews song: “Whenever I feel afraid/I hold my head erect/And whistle a happy tune/So no one will suspect/I’m afraid." 

If you can convince yourself and others that your opponents are stupid, boring, ignorant and all the rest of it, you may find you’ve boosted your own credentials – at least in your own mind. Throughout all the released Whatsapp messages, the DUP comes across as consistently immature and embarrassing.

Mind you, there were over 1,000 messages, so they may contain matter that would contradict all of the above, but I doubt it. The late Tony Benn advised that in politics we should concentrate on the policies of opponents and not their personalities. Yes, indeed. But when you know the speaker is puerile and arrogant, it’s difficult to believe that their intellect is capable of sustained and valuable thought.

These days, the DUP must think they’re living in a nightmare. They toppled one leader, then within weeks they toppled her successor, then that successor had to step down because of sexual abuse charges. And now the DUP stone has been turned over and  the public eye can take in all sorts of uglies scurrying about. 

You think that’s sad? Try this: In a few weeks’ time, a considerable section of  unionism will come out and vote for these uglies.