“THE assessment commissioned in 2015 by the then Secretary of State on Paramilitary Groups in Northern Ireland has not changed.”
That’s it. 20 words. That’s the statement from the PSNI which last Friday saw Stephen Nolan on Radio This Here Pravince fall backwards on to the studio fainting couch with the back of his hand pressed to his forehead.
Did it mean, as Nolan trenchantly insisted after he was revived with smelling sights by colleagues, that the IRA is doing exactly what it was doing ten years ago? Or did it mean that no other assessment has been carried out? Or did it mean something else entirely?
The former Biggest Show in the Country asked these questions when it returned to the subject on Monday morning, after a weekend when the tyres on the Friday show were kicked and found by many to be in need of replacement.
Take whatever side you want on this. The Belfast Telegraph took both sides by reporting excitedly on the Nolan contention that the IRA is up to its old tricks then quickly deleting that reporting and associated social media when they took the trouble to find out what the shock-horror reporting was based on.
But the big questions that the Big Guy asked on Monday morning were questions that should have been asked before the decision to devote the entire Friday programme to a disputed interpretation of a 20-word statement about a 10-year-old statement.
Tell us more about morals
SQUINTER’S pretty sure that lots of the people who are up on the kitchen table hitching up their skirts over the Sinn Féin references and texts stories are genuinely concerned about ethics and protection. But he’s not pretty sure that some are frauds and bluffers – he’s absolutely certain.
As the US election approaches and people decide which genocide-endorsing party to vote for, the Green-Orange divide here is generally – but not precisely – reflected in the Red-Blue November 5 split. That is to say, as far as Squinter sees it, there is virtual unanimity in the nationalist camp that Donald Trump (below) is a permatanned, sociopathic wingnut, while a smaller number of unionists – but still a majority – are hoping that it’s Four More Years of podium dancing and racism.
A question: Is it possible to want an adjudicated rapist and a man who admits to sexually assaulting women to be Leader of the Free World (Ts&Cs apply) while claiming to be scandalised about a work reference for a paedophile or inappropriate, non-criminal texts? Can you be serious about protection issues when your fervent hope is that a sex offender will be back in the White House next year?
Clearly you can’t; but equally clearly, it is possible to convince yourself that you can. If you still want to go to church, that is.
Marriage counselling, anyone?
THE latest poll on the number of people still in favour of living in a divided statelet founded on a sectarian headcount makes for interesting reading.
Whaddya mean that’s a slanted way of putting it? Do you think they gave Donegal, Cavan and Monaghan to the Church of Rome because there were too many sheep?
Taking into account Don’t Knows and Mind Your Own Businesses, people in favour of continuing to sing the English national anthem are in a minority for the first time. Support for united Ireland stands at 33.7 per cent, while support for the union comes in at 48.6 per cent – the remainder push the number of people not expressing support for the Precious Union© up over the 50 per cent mark.
As usual, we’ll hear a lot in the wake of this development about those not expressing a preference being garden centre Prods who are famous for keeping their cards close to their chests but will emerge triumphantly from their potting sheds to save the loyal day come the border poll. And we’ll hear from goatee-scratching academics and lifelong quango jockeys that their sense is that it’s mostly well-mannered unionists who act coy when the pollsters come calling.
But Squinter’s oul’ Twitter mate @ashstronge put it best when pointing out this rather salient point,which Squinter will clumsily paraphrase: If you were married and some randomer came up to you in Corn Market with a clipboard as you strolled arm in arm with your loved one, what would your answer be to the question ‘Do you want to stay married’ tell you about the state of your relationship?
‘Yes’, and you’re probably on your way to renew your vows. ‘No’, and you’ve been getting on each other’s wick for some time. A ‘Don’t Know’, meanwhile, is as clear an indicator of your state of mind as any other answer.
No included.
A pity party invite
SQUINTER’S sorry Peter Lynch is dead. If there was a button that he could push to bring him back to life he would. Squinter’s sorry for his wife, children and friends, and he’s sorry for the three grandchildren the 61-year-old will never get to know.
But he belonged in prison, which is where he died by his own hand after having served about six weeks of his near-three-year sentence. He belonged there not because he shouted vile racist abuse at police during the riots which swept Britain in the wake of the July child murders in Southport. He belonged there because he was part of a violent mob which had the express intention of burning asylum seekers alive in the Rotherham hotel they were staying in.
DETERMINED: A mob tries to gain access to a Rotherham hotel housing migrants
Tommy Robinson is now wearing a new t-shirt with the legend: ‘I am Peter Lynch’. Right-wing columnists are penning tear-stained pieces about the death of a political prisoner in a Starmer gulag; about a caring family man thrown in a Labour Party dungeon for saying a few rough words; about a kind-hearted grandfather who did nothing except express concern about the future of his country.
We’re all against locking people up for their political beliefs, right? But these same columnists didn’t stay quiet about the jailing of Just Stop Oil protesters for blocking roads as the planet burns and drowns – they loudly celebrated it.
And now they want us to mourn a family man who wanted to kill black and brown families.
Just as they mourn.
Skipper Simon sits tight in the harbour
TAOISEACH Simon Harris (left) hasn’t named the date of an election yet, despite fevered expectation that he would have.
It’s a great time to do so. The country’s awash with moolah, the polls are looking great for Fine Gael and Sinn Féin are malfunctioning so badly at present that it looks like somebody’s going to have to switch them off at the mains and switch them on again.
And yet, and yet...
UNCERTAINTY: Taoiseach Simon Harris leading his team towards an election – but when?
Why the sallow skipper of the SS Blueshirt won’t launch in such becalmed and salubrious electoral waters remains a mystery to the Irish media as it continues to rain blows on Mary Lou. But in a corner of the deck the rest of us can see a big wooden cage in which silently stands a male adult elephant.
Over 50 per cent of standing Fine Gael TDs have announced that they won’t be standing in the election, whenever it’s held. The most recent member of the crew to walk the plank was deputy leader Heather Humphreys, a political beast even bigger than elephant on the FG deck.
One can only wonder what the response of the D4 scribblers would be if half of the Sinn Féin parliamentary party jacked it in just before an election. Meltdown, crisis, bloodbath – pick your own word.
And pick your own corner.
