DUP leader Jeffrey Donaldson emerged from the latest round of talks between the parties and Secretary of State Chris Heaton-Harris on Monday morning to tell the waiting media that the talks weren’t yet over. So far, so uncontroversial. The trouble was, every other participant in the talks stated categorically that not only were the talks over – but that it had been made perfectly clear at their conclusion that there would be no resumption.

Which begs the question: Why would Mr Donaldson say something that is so obviously and provably at odds with what actually happened? Why would he make a claim that left the other talks participants roll their eyes in frustration?

The answer is desperation. 

Mr Donaldson is like a man standing on a bungee jump platform trying to summon up the courage to leap. He knows he wants to and he knows he should, but fear of what might happen leads him to grasp any excuse to put off the fateful moment: a light touch of wind, another check of the harness, some stress-relieving breathing exercises. In Mr Donaldson’s case he’s used every political excuse in the book to stretch out the process to Christmas and now he’s reduced to saying that something didn’t happen to people who were literally there when it took place. 

It’s understandable in a crude and childish sort of way: Having clearly decided that he’s not going to jump before Christmas, Mr Donaldson is seeking to assure his jumpy support that he can improve on the deal that was put on the table (an improved £3.3 billion offer that’s an improvement on the previous offer, which was an improvement on the previous offer, which in turn... You get the idea).

But how does he convince people that he can squeeze more out of the British government in the next round of talks when everyone has been clearly told that there’s not going to be a next round of talks? Well, that’s easy on Planet DUP: You just pretend that you didn’t hear what everybody else heard and hope the electorate will be sufficiently inattentive and/or disillusioned that the pretence doesn’t matter. And it appears to be succeeding to a degree as those hardline voices which in recent days had been raucously voicing their objection to a mooted pre-Christmas deal have been quietly expressing satisfaction that the DUP has kicked the ball into the long grass of the New Year.

There remains the possibility that this too is part of the panto choreography and that a new round of talks will indeed take place and that Mr Donaldson can claim to have been right along, strengthening his negotiator credentials ahead of any decisionto end the Stormont boycott. Whatever the case, Mr Donaldson has achieved the not inconsiderable political feat of alienating non-unionists fed up with this continuing DUP psycho-drama and the staunch party faithful who see him as a saviour one day and a sell-out the next. He’s brought a new depth of meaning to the word uncertainty – and that’s his precious union’s biggest enemy.