The truth is, If you don’t go within you go without.

I was always looking outside of myself for an answer. I was seeking a cure or basically some relief from being me. I was always on the run from myself, believing that I should be someone else, someone different.

Why? Because I was terrified of my interpretation of who I thought I was. The story that I told myself was based on lies. The term used to describe this in some circles is 'stinking thinking'. Basically, the disease of the mind. When I realised that, I made it my business to stop looking outside and to do the opposite: to look inside at myself.

The way for me to do this was to change my lens to the lens of Zen.

Zen practice allows us the opportunity to wake up to this moment which is the here and now. It’s not the there and then where I used to dwell.

To be honest the here and now terrified me. I believed that in the here and now, I would be found out, as I was the fugitive. What an exhausting way of living, with the relentless imaginings of, if you knew me, you would not like me. Certainly, I didn’t like myself.

I discovered a simple programme for a complicated person like me. All I was told to do was sit, don’t move and shut up.

Through the lens of Zen my perception changed, to a softer, kinder view rather than the harsh critical view that I was used to. I began to open up to what was happening now rather than my usual modus operandi of running away.

I was taught to look within and was told that this moment is perfect. This moment is the lens. What’s happening now is our teacher. What's happening now is the most important moment. We learn to embrace this moment, this mystery, our one precious life.

I learned to let go of the stories that I was grasping on to and to drop into this moment; this moment which has never happened before; this life.

The key to this precious life is acceptance. Stop the internal war. Surrender to the beauty of this life as it is — not as we believe it should be.

I’m not sure if you have heard of the serenity prayer but here is an interpretation of the serenity prayer that I heard and love.

GRANT ME THE SERENITY

God grant me the serenity to accept the person that I cannot change; the courage to change the person that I can change and the wisdom to know it’s me.

When we realise this to be true, our journey begins. As the great psychoanalyst Carl Jung said, “those who look outside dream and those who look inside wake up."

I was taught to sit and listen and in doing so I listened to learn.

I discovered a simple programme for a complicated person like me. All I was told to do was sit, don’t move and shut up.

Just plain and simple, sit, don’t move and shut up.

Suddenly I found that the racing thoughts in my head — which was like a washing machine — began to slow down. I began to trust my inner compass as it guided me to the here and now.

"BE STILL AND KNOW"

Jesus said in the Bible, "be still and know." That's all: be still and know.

A good practice that I was taught was to trace your fingers in one hand with the finger of the other hand or the speed of your breath. If you are breathing fast that is okay and if you are breathing slow that’s okay too.

In Zen there’s no right way and no wrong way. Now gently trace the fingers of your hand breathing in and breathing out. Let’s do this exercise for about a minute and discover what happens as we bring the mind home to the here and now.