LET’S see if Squinter’s got this right…
According to Loyal Ulster there’s a reason why the union jack should fly from the City Hall 24/7 (but doesn’t).
There’s a reason why the union jack should fly from all government buildings 24/7 (but doesn’t).
There’s a reason why our driving licences should have a union jack on them (but don’t).
There’s a reason why union jacks fly from lampposts until they’re mechanics’ rags.
There’s a reason why union jacks are put up outside Catholic schools.
There’s a reason why union jacks are put up in religiously mixed areas.
And that reason is that the union jack is the official flag of the United Kingdom. And this little corner of Paradise, whether republican ne’er-do-wells, miscreants, malcontents and thugs like Squinter like it or not, is an integral part of the United Kingdom.
It's a reasonably compelling argument, although, as listed above, not compelling enough to get the flag hoisted everywhere its lovers would like to see it. Compelling enough, though, to allow non-unionists to whistle and look the other way when the butcher’s apr… sorry, the union jack, goes up over the Department of Paper Clips for the Queen’s oldest corgi’s birthday.
But if its official status is the deal-closer on the union jack, what’s the reason for persisting with the Ulster fleg, which is about as official as Kill All Taigs on a pishy mattress at a Larne boney? Well, according to unionist scholars of history and heraldry: custom and practice. It’s been the custom, we’re told, to hoist the Ulster fleg up over the Twelfth beside UDA and UVF flegs ever since the banner was dumped as the official flag of This Here Pravince when the Brits gave Brian Faulkner his P45 in 1972. And it's been the practice to fire the flag up beside All Taigs are Targets banners whenever and wherever an Ulster cry of distress was heard.
According to Lord Chief Justice Wiki, four key elements must be present before the concept of custom and practice can be said to apply.
1. Long-standing and consistent.
Clearly, the Ulster flag has for decades been a summer fixture on loyal lampposts. But in relation to government buildings, the only long-standing and consistent thing about the Ulster fleg has been its total absence.
2. Well-known.
All parties must be aware of the custom and practice. And of course when the Ulster fleg is raised outside a primary school or a new mixed-religion development, Kafflicks are as aware of it as the Prods.
3. Reasonable and certain.
The custom and practice must be clear, not vague, and considered fair by all parties. Whether it’s fair that an Ulster flag is being hoisted on the lamppost outside your house after you’ve legged it and the Housing Executive are boarding up your windows is likely to be considered a moot point.
4. Implied obligation.
There must be a reasonable expectation that the practice is a legal requirement and not merely a gesture. Because, naturally, gesture politics have no place on the streets of Noel ‘n’ Alan.
Meanwhile, our serially entertaining Communities Minister Gordon Lyons told Radio Ulster’s Stephen Watson on Tuesday that while he’s spoken to many Commonwealth athletes, none of them had ever raised the issue of the Ulster fleg.
Now Gordon.
Gord.
C’mere to Squinter for a while and listen while he asks you to consider something…
If you were addressing a dozen young athletes at Stormont and they were standing nervous and stiff as pokers as you pontificated on this and that, how many of them are likely to step forward from the crowd and say to you: “Yeah, that’s all well and good, Minister, but you need to get rid of that bloody Ulster flag”. Just because they don’t say it in a formal setting doesn’t mean they don’t think it.
If you were in a boxing club watching a coach take a few kids through a session on the punchbag or pads, how many of them are likely to slip off their gloves, place them under their arms, wipe the sweat from their foreheads and tell you “Hey, Mister, sort that flag out will ye? I’m getting slegged to death at school about it.”?
The answer is that when you sweep into a gaff in your ministerial car wearing your ministerial suit being snapped by a ministerial photographer followed by a clutch of ministerial minions and watched over by a squad of ministerial protection officers, no young athlete in there is going to engage you on the sectarian politics of sport. Last person Squinter can remember trying that particular gambit was Gordon’s DUP colleague, our occasionally electable. Deputy First Minister Emma Little-Pengelly, who said after UVF flags went up in a new mixed housing development off the Ravenhill Road that local people didn’t want a fuss made about loyalist killer gang flags going up outside their new homes. That went down so well that when the time comes for Emma to hang up her Wimbledon lanyard and claim her ministerial pension, the details of that incident will be engraved on her gold clock. No, wait, maybe it’ll be the one where she said a Glider stop at Short Strand shouldn’t be called Short Strand.
Washington and Tel Aviv involved in Iran? Perish the thought
THE latte-drinking Marxist crusties are at it again – this time about Iran.
As Iranians in Tehran and other cities across the world take to the streets in large numbers, the lefties are claiming that public displays of opposition to Iran’s fundamentalist leader Ayatollah Ali Khameini are being encouraged by Tel Aviv and Washington.
SAY WHAT? Demos by Iranian exiles have been marked by the odd popularity of Israel flags
Once again, the keyboard warriors refuse to give credit to the Iranian people themselves, preferring to see everything as a western conspiracy.
Of course there is zero evidence that either Israel or the United States has anything to do with the protests, which is why you won’t hear about it on the BBC or RTÉ and you won’t read about it in the Daily Telegraph or the Irish Times.
Well, there’s a little evidence, if we’re being honest. The Iranian Twitter account of the Israeli spy agency, the Mossad, told Iranians at the turn of the year: “The time is now. We are beside you, not only from outside your country and not only in words. We are also beside you on the ground.”
At around the same time, former CIA director and US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo wrote on Twitter: “Happy New Year to every Iranian on the streets. Also to every Mossad agent walking beside them.”
But that’s it. That’s all the evidence there is. Fair enough, the protesters are joyfully waving the Stars and Stripes a few short months after they were bombed by the US. And yes, it’s true, they are waving Israel flags when they were very recently bombed by that country too.
But what does that prove?
Let’s dip our spoon in the finished pot of thin gruel in which accusations of US and Israeli involvement in the Iranian demos are based:
1. The Mossad telling us: “We are involved.”
2. Mike Pompeo telling us “The Mossad is involved.”
3. Protesters waving US flags.
4. Protesters waving Israel flags.
That’s it. That’s all the evidence we have.
Unless you include Israel asking Donald Trump to delay bombing Iran until the protests have taken a wider hold...
* Note to the Irish and British media: The Ayatollah is a fundamentalist murdering despot who should be nowhere near government. Squinter hopes this is enough for you to leave him alone. DM if you need more evidence of his non-mass-murderingness.
