JEFFREY Donaldson says the Sinn Féin “grip on the PSNI leadership must be broken”. 

Squinter sat down with a DUP spokesperson for a chat about the pernicious effect that shadowy Chucks are having on policing in this here Pravince and to discuss the details of the coup.

– So the Shinners have the PSNI leadership by the throat, is that right?
– You bet they do. There’s not a paper clip ordered at Knock without the say-so of the Army Council.
– In what way does that malign influence manifest itself?
– Well, most recently we saw the row that broke out after Sinn Féin insisted on the disciplining of two young officers who were thrown to the wolves after the Ormeau Road thing.
– The Ormeau Road thing?
– Yes, two young officers were wrongly disciplined for doing their jobs.
– So you think it was a good idea for the officers...
– Excuse me, young officers.
– So you think it was a good idea for the young officers to intervene in a massacre commemoration that the High Court described as distanced and peaceful?
– As I say, young officers doing their jobs.
– By making an arrest?
– Yes, heroically and youngly.
– Then making a de-arrest?
– Young officers coming under pressure from senior officers.
– Senior officers who were coming under pressure to manipulate officers...
– Excuse me, young officers.
– Senior officers who were coming under pressure from Sinn Féin to manipulate young officers?
– Precisely.
– How long has the PSNI been in the grip of Sinn Féin.
– Oh, years now.
– What percentage of the PSNI is Catholic?
– Eighty?
– Freezing.
– Seventy?
– Cold.
– Sixty?
– Chilly.
– Fifty?
– Cool?
– Forty?
– Getting warmer. Look, the number of Catholics in the PSNI just now is around a third.
– That’s not bad.
– When you just count Catholics born in Our Wee Country it’s a quarter.
– What’s your point?
– Well, if Sinn Féin really are controlling the PSNI they’re doing a horrible job.
– Maybe if Sinn Féin didn’t control the PSNI the number would be lower.
– That’s not the zinger you think it is, Jeff.
– What did Sam McBride in the Belfast Telegraph is “driving brave officers away from the PSNI?
– The IRA?
– Nope.
– The Moonies?
– Wrong again.
– I suppose you’re going to tell me now.
– Yep. Sam said “anti-Catholic sentiment” was deterring brave officers from signing up.
– Terrible.
– He said officers talk about “dirty Fenians”.
– Scandalous.
– He said the phrase “token Taig” was used too and that a Catholic officer had been told “You’ll go nowhere in this job with your background.”
– Shocking. Where are you going with this?
– Just wondering – if Sinn Féin have such a grip on the police how come they’re doing such a poor job of protecting Catholic officers on the job?
– Their usual incompetence, I would imagine.
– How many cases of RUC collusion with the IRA are the PSNI trying to cover up?
– A dozen?
– Nope.
– Let’s not do this again, please.
– Fair enough. The answer is none. How many cases of RUC collusion with the UVF and UDA are the PSNI trying to cover up?
– Something tells me you’re going to say a lot.
– Spot on. Why would the PSNI spend so much money, time and resources trying to hide historical RUC wrongdoing if Sinn Féin’s calling the shots (excuse the pun)?
– There could be a hundred reasons.
– Just one will do.
– Somebody at Connolly House was off sick?
– Shall we just leave it at that?
– Probably a good idea.