THE man formerly known as Prince Andrew, now to be known as plain Mr Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, is a man who has felt the tide of popularity lift him high as the moon, then send him plummeting to the sharp rocks below.
As Queen Elizabeth’s second and favourite son, his cheerfulness and daring – and looks – provided a sharp contrast to his dull and goofy older brother Charles. The British public and the British press declared Andrew a handsome, confident young man. None of your chinless wonders with this one.
With the Malvinas invasion in 1982, Andrew added to his popularity by showing he was not just a guy with a chestful of pretend medals. As a Royal Navy helicopter pilot, he was part of the British forces which retook the Malvinas from Argentina. Thousands of miles from home he learned not to sweat and was declared a national hero by the British press.
When in 1986 he got married to Sarah “Call me Fergie!” Ferguson, the event was televised and viewed worldwide. The British nation hugged itself in delight as their Randy Andy joined himself in matrimony to good sport Fergie.
But dark clouds were gathering.
Things started to sour in his marriage. Separated in 1992, he and Fergie were divorced in 1996. There was talk of shady business deals and lavish spending. Then finally came the event that led to his downfall: his friendship with Jeffrey Epstein.
Even as Andrew Mountbatten Windsor was being dumped out of the golden royal circle, another man in the neighbouring island was having his own Icarus experience. Micheál Martin was faced with the fact that not only had the Fianna Fáil nominee for President crashed and burned over a €3,000 debt which he’d forgotten to pay, but Jim Gavin had been hand-picked by Micheál Martin.
At the time it must have seemed a good idea. Jim had been the greatest ever GAA football coach, but shock-horror, this sporting genius turned into a clammy albatross which draped itself around Micheál ‘s neck. There were groans, there were mutterings. Some Fianna Fáil TDs even spoke out and declared that Micheál had made a pig’s arse of things, and maybe his time as Taoiseach was up.
Like Mr Mountbatten Windsor, Micheál had once soared high. He was the man who banned smoking in public places, a policy once believed disastrous but which proved to be a life-saver for thousands. Micheál also saved Fianna Fáil’s very existence; at the time of the banking crisis he grabbed his party by the scruff of the neck and gave it the kiss of life, bringing it back from near extinction.
UNDER PRESSURE: Micheál Martin's travails are very different from Andrew's, but they're damaging nevertheless
Will Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor survive all this bad press he’s experiencing at present? Of course he will. He may not be able to prance about with a chestful of medals (yes, Virginia, I know, they all do it) but he has this fabulously wealthy elder brother who is a king and who will no doubt give him a dig-out. He won’t get to appear on balconies to wave to adoring crowds with the other royals, but hey – when your time is up it’s best to retreat as gracefully as possible.
Will Micheál survive his act of spectacular stupidity in nominating Jim Gavin? Probably, if we’re speaking in the short term, but not in the long.
Miriam O’Callaghan’s big brother Jim, at present Justice Minister, is watching Micheál carefully. Unlike Micheál, Jim has publicly stated his support for a reunited Ireland. The border referendum wave is growing in power and depth by the day, even as Micheál struggles to keep his head above the tide of criticism coming not just the opposition but from his own party.
Fortune and favour are two unreliable floozies: one day they shower you with kisses and everybody loves you; next day they turn their back and the best you can hope for is pity.
Unlike Andrew, Micheál is a politician, and all political lives end in failure. Not so the British royals. They offer the British public a delicious distraction, a real-life soap opera, and in return they are allowed to keep on dipping into the public purse and funding their fabulously wealthy lifestyles.
