NOLAN co-presenter George from the Shankill was one of those who took part in the Monday night Rangers celebration on the Shankill. Squinter sat down with George (not one of his real names) to discuss the Covid regulations-busting party that the PSNI missed.
– You told Nolan that the party was spontaneous, is that right?
– Correctomundo.
– So how come you were advertising a ‘Celebrate the 55 at 5.55 party a month ago?
– I was?
– You’re that George from the Shankill guy on the wireless, aren’t you?
– Sometimes.
– Well there’s your call on Facebook for people to hit the streets and party like it’s Covid-1999.
– Oh.
– Let’s move on. Are you in Jim Wilson’s bubble?
– How dare you. We’re only friends.
– No, I mean are you in his Covid bubble?
– Not that I know of.
– So how come you’ve been filmed hugging him?
– That was a socially-distanced hug.
– What’s a socially-distanced hug?
– We weren’t lying down.
– Fair enough. Did you agree with Jim when he told Nolan that if young Protestants hadn’t been out spreading Covid they’d have celebrated by fighting Catholics at the peaceline?
– Of course. That’s just common sense.
– Right. All those times you praised the health service and urged people to stay safe,  you were completely serious, right?
– Totally. Our nurses and doctors are heroes, every one of them.
– So why didn’t you stay in the house?
– I was overcome by sheer emotion.
– You’re heading towards 60, George, aren’t you?
– No comment.
– And you’re out letting off party bangers in the middle of a pandemic.
– You could say that.
– Wearing shorts.
– What can I say? I’m a warm-blooded kind of guy.
– How many league titles is that?
– The big 55.
– But wasn’t the club liquidated in 2012?
– Yes, but it’s since been unliquidated.
– When did that happen?
– It was in the Daily Record.
– The same paper that had the headline ‘RIP Rangers’ over a picture of a coffin on the front page.
– Bit of banter.
– And all the debts are paid?
– Most of them.
– Which ones?
– I think we’ve paid the face-painter and the milkman.


– Do you know that if anyone goes to the club in search of money, including alleged victims of historic sex abuse, they are referred to the liquidator and told the new club has nothing to do with the old one?
– Where’d you read that? In the Celtic View?
– No, in the Financial Times.
– What would they know?
– Are you currently in employment, George?
– I’m delighted to say I am.
– Are you in a public-facing role?
– What’s that?

– Are you out and about and do you meet people?
– Oh, yes.
– Do you intend to isolate for ten days?
– What for?
– Because there’s a good chance you may have picked up the virus at your big Shankill street party.
– No, no. I was very careful.
– You were?
– Oh, yes. I held my breath for long spells and crossed my fingers.
– It says in this newspaper article that you look after a wee woman in her 90s and do her shopping for her.
– That’s right.
– That’s very sweet. You gonna call round tonight?
– You betcha. She’s a wee dote.
– Do you think that’s wise?
– I’ll be taking the usual precautions.
– Of course you will. What’s the difference between the Rangers street party and the republican events you’ve been complaining about?
– Well, it’s quite simple. We are the people and they aren’t.

The national anthem that Britain needs


GOD save our gracious queen,
She keeps the white race clean,
God save the
Send her victorious,
With the nonce notorious,
Long to reign over us,
God save the queen.
Lord send her greater wealth,
Stuff Meghan’s mental health,
And Harry’s too.
To leave should others try,
Remember Lady Di,
She found out what and why,
God save the queen.
They didn’t have to flit,
Let Andrew babysit,
Smile and shut up.
Pull on the ermine
Laugh at Phil’s new racist jokes,
Roasted swan and grilled artichokes,
God save the queen.
May the next be more like Kate,
Her skin tone’s really great,
And she’s not loud.
Meghan says she’s depressed,
She should give it a rest,
The corgis are so distressed,
God save the queen.
Piers Morgan knows the score,
Nick Witchell even more,
They see the truth.
Harry’s under her spell,
Archie’s hen-pecked
as well,
Bid them an unfond farewell,
God save the queen.
Raise now the royal flag,
Bless Andrew’s ankle tag,
Our nation’s joy.
Limousine and golden coach,
Tiara and diamond
Shaft your grandson without reproach,
God save the queen.

Unionist teamwork frays at the edges


THE DUP has called on pro-union parties to work together in next year’s Assembly elections campaign to ensure that the NI Protocol is drowned in the Lagan. This is Ulster-Scots for the DUP being absolutely petrified that they are going to get hammered if the Protocol is still in place.
Just as East Antrim MLA Gordon Lyons was the sap tasked with ordering a halt to work at customs facilities, so North Down MLA Alex Easton is the Aunt Sally who’s been handed the task of running this new Ulster flag up the pole to see if anyone salutes. “Unless all unionist parties come together and agree an electoral pact for the 2022 Assembly elections, it will be difficult to remove the NI Protocol.”
Alex thinks that if the DUP, UUP and TUV hold hands next April and May, extra seats could be won in Lagan Valley, North Belfast, North Down, South Antrim and West Belfast. He added that there’s a “window of opportunity for all unionism’s political leaders to agree to an election pact... so that we can all sing from the same hymn sheet.” Nearer My God to Thee, the hymn sung on the Titanic, is the melody that springs to mind, because  if what we’ve been hearing over the past six weeks has been “Iceberg ahead!” this new idea is the political equivalent to lowering the lifeboats.
The DUP are suggesting that the pact is vital because unionism has to regain its lost majority if the Assembly is to vote not to extend the Protocol when the mandated vote on it comes round in 2024. That argument, of course, suggests strongly that Arlene Foster and co do not have high hopes of success in their campaign to get the Protocol ditched (the same Protocol she said was a ‘gateway of opportunity’ a few weeks ago).
As Sam McBride reported in the News Letter, the UUP and the TUV reacted with distinct froideur to the suggestion – not surprising given the fact that last month’s LucidTalk poll suggested the DUP is going to take the kicking of all kickings in the Assembly election if the Protocol is still in place. Jim Allister’s lot pointedly pointed out that they have already outlined a five-point plan of anti-Protocol action (which the DUP immediately stole), while the UUP was more directly doubtful. The party replied: “A useful first step would be for the DUP to admit their disastrous mistake. It does not help build confidence within unionism when they continue to deny their original welcome of what became the Protocol.
If Mr Easton is reflecting the height of the ambitions of the DUP, people need to realise just how long it will take to get rid of the Protocol. This call by the DUP means accepting the Protocol until 2024 when, if pro-union parties have a majority, it would be voted down. Even then it will continue for another two years, meaning the earliest we could get rid of the Protocol is 2026. The Protocol needs to go now.”

It’s not known yet what the thoughts are of the UDA and UVF’s political spokesmen, Mr Black and Mr Decker. The last time the DUP met them it was to ask them to take a look at a suggested deal on the Irish language and the two illegal loyalist paramilitary group used the veto granted to them by DUP party officers to say no. The PUP and the UPRG aren’t known as vote magnets, but they will come in handy come election time when there are flags to be put up, posters to be posted, doors to be knocked, threats to be daubed on walls and people’s homes to be attacked.