AS Fine Gael’s poll rating dropped faster than Jamie Bryson when he hears a banger, RTÉ inevitably threw gormless Taoiseach Simon Harris a post-weekend lifeline.
After the Fine Gael leader’s catastrophic encounter with a Co Cork care worker, the national broadcaster cleared the decks on Monday to get him on with Claire Byrne so that he could trot out the Fine Gael press office line.
• That he was tired.
• That it wasn’t a true reflection of who he really is.
• That he phoned the woman and they got on like a care home on fire.
• That he’ll be visiting her after the election.
Now delivering that explanation naturally required a certain amount of references to oneself, but in the 90-clip put up on Twitter Simon used the word ‘I’ or ‘me’ 28 times, which is some special kind of egotism. In fact, it works out at the use of the first person once every three seconds. And a clip that was supposed to be about Simon putting the woman he slighted front and centre succeeded only in underlining i) how extraordinarily out of touch the Taoiseach is and ii) how extaordinarily pleased he is with himself.
It’s hardly surprising, really. He joined Fianna Fáil aged 16. He left university without completing his degree to enter politics (with Fine Gael) and has therefore spent his entire adult life, and a chunk of his childhood, in party politics. Which sadly doesn’t translate into a party mood.
Flying festive fleg
THERE’S a fleg protest in Belfast on Saturday. Well, a protest in support of a former protest, you might more accurately say.
Posters have gone up in loyalist areas of the city (below) inviting fleg-lovers to gather at Sandy Row Orange Hall at 12.30pm for a parade to City Hall, where a rally will be held ‘In support of loyalist areas’. The poster (below) also points out that the gathering will mark the ‘12th anniversary of the flag protest’.
Squinter doesn’t mind admitting that he’s confused. What is a parade and rally ‘In support of loyalist areas’ meant to achieve? Support them in what? Housing? Education? Football? Bonfires?
And what’s the point in marking the anniversary of a protest which was the biggest defeat that unionism has suffered in the Culture War since their last big defeat in the Culture War?
Squinter was at a similar event last year (or was it the year before?) and its tiny size served only to emphasis a) that the flag protest was a massive defeat and that b) most loyalists are sensible enough to recognise that and stay away.
The worrying thing from a unionist point of view is that people who think such protests are of political value hold prominent positions in Loyal Ulster. They think that people looking at a score of people waving union jacks beside Father Christmas reminds people that the anger persists, when in fact all it does is to remind seasonal shoppers and revellers of how bitter, creepy and destructive the flag-shaggers are.
The right brew for you
A COLLEAGUE hands Squinter this cup of tea (below) on Tuesday morning and it occurs to Squinter that, quite simply, it’s the perfect cup of tea. Not perfect for everyone, of course, because we all have our own personal tastes. But if Squinter was to verbalise the cup of tea he’d want when he’s absolutely bursting for one then this is how he’d describe it.
And so he whacked it up on Twitter to see who agreed and – surprise, surprise! – it turned out that quite a few did.
“Looks good but get rid of the bubble.”
“Perfect colour, nice and strong. But you need a wee bun to go with it.”
“Perfect!”
“Ah, yes, obviously a tea master. Perfect tone and colouring there. Now just a Tunnocks teacake and you’re winning.”
“No discussion. Perfect.”
“Looks good to me.”
“Bubbles on the tea. Money coming your way.”
“It’s a thing of beauty.”
But, since this is social media, the detractors inevitably and harshly had their say.
“The bubble ruins it.”
“Too dark and needs an accompaniment, preferably a bun but a biscuit at the least. Poor effort, 5 out of 10 Squint. Must try harder in the future.”
“Too dark. More milk needed.”
“Not without a biscuit surely.”
“My late mum would’ve asked if that tea was 'stewed', it's that dark.”
“That looks more like coffee than tea imo!”
“Too dark.”
“Needs more milk.”
Squinter has to say he didn’t know that a bubble in your tea meant you were likely to come into a few quid. He does now, although he has to say that in the few days since he drank this cup of tea with a slice of toasted Veda his online betting account has been on a familiar downward trajectory.
What's in a name?
THE petition urging another UK general election has reached over two million signatures by time of writing. The right-wing British press, who have spent years telling us that another Brexit referendum is utter woke nonsense, have wet their pants in excitement and seem convinced that it’s only a matter of time before Prime Minister Keir Starmer visits the king and calls a date.
The Daily Telegraph, favoured morning paper of Tory grandees, prison governors and think-tank chiefs, is to the fore in promoting the petition as a bona fide expression of the will of the British people. This despite the fact that they know full well that a huge number of the names on the petition are bogus and have been generated by bot farms the world over.
But the Telegraph is nothing if not perseverant, and the petition remains top of its agenda, alongside a call by Twitter boss Elon Musk for Starmer to do the right thing and listen to @Tommy Bunchanumbers from New Delhi and @CovidwasaHoax from New Jersey.
The paper ran four days straight with the inaccurate claim by their star writer Allison Pearson that when she was visited by police over a deleted tweet the Bobbies told her it was in relation to a ‘non-crime hate incident’. When police bodycam footage revealed that they said no such thing, Allison said she might have misheard the coppers. And if she told that to her employers, they must have misheard too for they said nothing about it. On the first day or the fourth.
The rumour mill grinds away
THE bunching of the three major parties in the final days of the election down south has – not surprisingly – caused confusion in those quarters where Sinn Féin’s polling woes in the past months have been an early Christmas present. Or a late one, depending on when you want to start counting.
The final poll had Fine Gael, Fianna Fáil and Sinn Féin separated by just a single point – and it was conducted only midway through the Simon Harris Kanturk disaster and before the full devastation of the social media skip fire had become apparent.
FINAL LEG: Simon Harris attempts to atone for his blunder on the campaign trail 
In contrast, Mary Lou McDonald has had a splendid election. Confronted with a similar scenario on the campaign trail – a carer distraught at the lack of support she’s receiving in looking after her brother – the Sinn Féin President placed a hand lightly on her shoulder and asked: “What’s your brother’s name?”
Empathy 101.
But Hugh O’Connell, who recently left the Sunday Independent to join the Sunday Times, decided it was time to rain on Mary Lou’s Easter parade with a tweet revealing that all’s not well in the Bearna Bhaoil.
He wrote: “There have also been persistent rumours for weeks – and rumours are all they are – in political circles north and south that Mary Lou McDonald will be stepping down after the election. She has insisted otherwise, of course.”
Not being a subscriber, Squinter’s not sure when the Sunday Times started a ‘Rumours’ pull-out section. Is it next to the ‘Apparently’ section?
Moving in political circles and being from the North, it might be expected that Squinter would have heard a rumour of that magnitude and that persistence, but it’s his sad duty to report that he hasn’t. And while he’s not for a moment downgrading the vital importance of rumours in political reporting, he’s kind of wondering why Mary Lou would jack it in if she’s in the running to be Taoiseach come Monday.
