AS unionist fury© subsides after a week of moralising about John Finucane speaking at a South Armagh commemoration, it occurs to Squinter that it’s six weeks since the Easter Sunday parade in Belfast brought half the city to a standstill.

As usual, the largest annual IRA commemoration in the North passed off without a dickybird from Loyal Ulster, which clearly doesn’t have a problem with IRA commemorations per se, just those addressed by Sinn Féin elected representatives. 
So who was the main speaker at the Easter event. Dan Breen? Carlos the Jackal? Ernie O’Malley?

In fact, the keynote address was given by the Right Honourable John Finucane, Esquire. The same John Finucane whose speech at a much smaller event 35 miles away from his North Belfast consituency hijacked the news agenda for a week. How come the South Armagh event sent the Orange Order, the DUP, the UUP, Alliance, the News Letter, the Belfast Telegraph, BBC Ulster, UTV, the Moonies and International Rescue to DefCon 5 while the Easter gig provoked no sound other than the peal of a distant bell and the moan of the wind through a hedge? How come that on a Sunday in April press offices and newsrooms are unmoved by a massive IRA commemoration but on a Sunday in June leave is cancelled and keyholders are urged to return to their premises? 

Hard to say, really. Perhaps something happened in the intervening month of May. Something that maybe discombobulated those whose task it is to stand guard on the ramparts of the Precious Union©? Something, say, like a massive swing in the power matrix? Something, let’s imagine, like a sea-change in how people vote? Something like an election?

The air-raid klaxons have been wailing across This Here Pravince since Sinn Féin cleaned up at the local government elections recently. Already battered and bruised from the unsuccessful fight against the onion-subjugating Provocol, Loyal Ulster’s finest were delivered a savage boot to the ging-gangs by the stellar performance of SFIRA© in the polls. So much so that BBC Ulster was reduced to writing a piece wondering if the party’s success would prove to be a disaster for community relations while a senior unionist politician said it was unfair of Sinn Féin to have won so many seats because unionists where he lives were losing representation. 

How many commemorations have Sinn Féin representatives spoken at in recent years, do you imagine? Squinter doesn’t have the numbers but it’s probably hundreds. How many of those commemorations got the Bobby Storey treatment on the Biggest Woe in the Country? Squinter doesn’t have the numbers but it’s probably little or none. And maybe there’s a phone-in on that. Or twenty.

Boris bows out in a familiar cloud of lies

BORIS Johnson resigned as an MP on Friday night to avoid the humiliation of a lengthy House of Commons ban after the Privileges Committee found he had misled Parliament with his non-stop lies about ‘Partygate’.

The news brought his trusted supporters out in force and in a typical Johnsonian move they flooded the zone with a non-stop torrent of tripe about his career being ended by a cake. This would only be true if Johnson considered being a backbench MP his career, which he doesn’t. He sees his career as being Prime Minister again, and after that the CEO of International Rescue and then the King of the World. And his journey down that career path came to an end 11 months ago when he resigned after mass resignations from his cabinet forced him to abandon his thousand-quid-a-roll wallpaper.

And what caused those resignations in June and July 2022? Well, it wasn’t cake, it wasn’t a glass of wine, it wasn’t a quiz or a karaoke. It was Johnson appointing a man whom he knew to be a sexual predator as deputy chief whip of the Conservative Party. Despite the fact that Johnson knew that Pincher was “handsy”, despite the fact that he joked that the MP for Tamworth was “Pincher by name and pincher by nature”, and despite the fact that Pincher had been previously accused of sexual misconduct Johnson gave him the plum job, because, well... because he’s Boris and he thinks he can do what he wants. And with clanging inevitability, Pincher resigned shortly after his appointment after getting pissed and groping two men in a London club.

As questions were raised by the media about why Johnson made the appointment knowing what he knew, his cabinet colleagues began packing it in in a) an admirable display of principle or b) a cynical conspiracy to force the clown prince out.

So them’s the facts. It is accurate to say that Johnson’s time as an MP was brought to an end by Partygate, but it is a gross misrepresentation to say the Privileges Committee report on partying at No.10 ended Johnson’s career. And why a lie like this has morphed into the mainstream Gammon narrative is easy to explain: If you want to garner sympathy for someone it’s much easier to do so by suggesting he was laid low by a birthday party than it is by reminding people that he was booted out of Downing Street because he put a known sexual predator in a position of power right at the heart of government.

What’s being said: “We all had parties during lockdown.” 
Strictly speaking that’s not true, but it’s relatable.

What’s not being said: “We’ve all done a favour for someone who likes to grab people by their privates.” 

Could possibly provoke a nod of agreement among some moustache-twirlers in the Tory Boys’ Club, but not likely to generate much sympathy among the blokes down the Dog and Duck.

What’s being said: “Boris was entitled to a drink with friends because it was such a stressful job.”

There are very few people who enjoy a snifter who didn’t think just that during lockdown.

What’s not being said: “Boris doesn’t think sexually abusing people should be a bar to promotion.” 

Again, true of a large number of politicians down through the years, but not likely to bring a murmur of approval at the next meeting of the Women’s Institute