MOST people over the age of five recognise now that Brexit has not gone well for the United Kingdom. Even the blue passport and fish fanatics who are still determined to press on accept that the past four years have been an absolute disaster, though of course they point the finger of blame at the EU. Internationally, the reputation of Britain has taken a hammering as it has staggered from one missed deadline to the next, uttering empty threats, the substance of which is ‘If we stab ourselves in the neck you’re going to get spattered with blood.’ And the tearing-up of the solemnly-agreed Withdrawal Agreement (on which the Tories fought and won the December election) has made the British something of a pariah state when it comes to good faith and trust. Good luck to the Brits with signing trade deals with countries who are fully aware that the deal you spent three years making with the EU was torn up in a single House of Commons sentence (yes, Brandon Lewis, we’re looking at you). All of this is common coin and has been thoroughly litigated in recent weeks and months, but what’s not as widely acknowledged is the UK’s abandonment of its sense of self. Regardless of what we think of Britain’s, ah, colourful past, the British (or perhaps more accurately the English) always maintained a singular pride in their heritage and history; in their stiff upper-lip demeanour; in the reputation they believe they have forged for themselves for fair play. But the past couple of weeks must surely have prompted even the Daily Mail-reading retired home counties colonels to question what Brexit is doing to the English and their dignity. On October 15, Boris Johnson broke off talks with the EU and threatened to walk away with no deal. And the reason? Well, ‘They wouldn’t give us a Canada-style deal.’ (A Canada-style deal being a deal that removes most, but not all, of the tariffs on goods between the EU and Canada; negotiations started in 2007 and aren’t finished yet.) It was an acutely embarrassing huff, and even if it was a crude tactic designed to spook the EU, it came at a heavy cost in reputation and dignity, particularly when No.10 told an EU delegation slated to visit London not to bother travelling. But if that was a case of reddeners all round, the debacle of the airport ‘e-gates’ was toe-curlingly juvenile. Boris Johnson (aka Dominic Cummings) is worried that Brits having to queue for hours at European airports with other non-EU nationals may go a long way to convincing many of them that leaving the EU wasn’t a great idea after all. And so he demanded that the EU continue to let UK citizens use the fast-track e-gates after the transition period expires in the New Year. The EU told him to take himself off by the hand. Cue more Downing Street foot-stamping and more face-palming among EU negotiators. Because the refusal didn’t come because Britain can’t be allowed to have the benefits of club membership without paying the dues (eminently obvious though that is), it came because the UK never signed up to the Schengen Agreement, which effectively abolished border checks within Europe. The Schengen agreement would have to be rewritten in order that the Brits not be kept waiting. But the whining was deafening anyway, amplified by a Tory media that accused the EU of acting out of spite because it’s so spiteful that it’s incapable of understanding that anyone acts out of any other motive. The English have long been looked on askance in Europe, but they always took that on the chin in a kind of ‘no-one likes us, we don’t care’ soccer terraces way. But being unpopular is one thing, being a figure of fun is another thing entirely and Squinter’s not sure that the infamous exceptionalism of the English makes them capable of dealing with that. ‘Everyone laughs at us, we don’t care’ doesn’t have the same stubborn disregard, does it? We’re told all of this is bringing us closer to ‘no deal’. But that ignores the fact that there is no such thing as a no-deal Brexit. Unless of course the Tories intend to stop trading for good with their 27 closest neighbours altogether. So what there would actually be is a walk away followed in short order by a tail-between-the-legs request for new talks. And the clown’s red nose will glow redder.
